Hookah Rick
by HookahSocialism
Summary: Summer and Morty are appalled by Rick taking up smoking hookah and they learn the history of how they came to be.


Rick is sitting in the living room with a giant hookah pipe just smoking, doing cloud tricks and Summer and Morty walk through the room.

Though nobody mentions it. Morty still has the eyepatch from his crossover with Undertale. Check that one out for some semblence of continuity.

"GRANDPA!!!"

"Oh geez Rick are you smoking?!"

"Yeah... (belch) I'm smoking. It's good for you kids. You should come over here and smoke hookah with grandpa. You know everyone smoked in 1920. Everyone smoked, took morphine for a migraine, and beat their wives...it was a golden age."

Summer walks right up to Rick.

"Grandpa that thing is even more dangerous than any of your crazy inventions!"

"Oh boy (belch) here we go..."

"Smoking a hookah is like smoking 100 cigarettes and it targets children with the fruit tastes and textures!"

Rick gets up.

"Okay 1: Kids don't want sweets. Kids want memes and titties just like adults we just shame them for it. Actually we shame adults for it too...nevermind.

Secondly, shutup Summer. Where did you get that 100 cigarette BS? Alex Jones?"

"Ill have you know it was an article on MSNBC's website..."

"Thats literally worse Summer! Not gonna lie though. Would smoke hookah right out of Rachel Maddow's pussy WUBBA LUBBA DUB DUB AM I RIGHT MORTY?!"

"I have to go clean under my eyepatch before it gets an infection Rick..."

"Fine be that way you little shit! Summer, if it makes you feel better I will take you to the race who invented hookah. They'll set you right."

"Wait...wasnt the hookah invented by Summerians or something?"

"This is dead sea scroll we waz kangz shit here Summer! (Beeelch) thinking some terrorist Arabs invented hookah for Saudi princes to smoke opiods is top glacier meme bullshit! We gotta go DEEPER! As deep as my dick wants go into Rachel Maddow's dirty pussy!"

"Wow...that is like...well I don't know if it's misogynist but it is definitely gross grandpa."

Rick just makes a stoic expression and pulls out his portal gun.

"Grandpa?"

"Its just not the same unless it's Morty...come on lets go."

The portal is in the floor and they go through to find themselves upon a seedy looking planet full of soot, grime, and garbage.

"This place is horrible Rick!"

"This is just where they leave the excesses of a shisha session Summer... Inside one of those buildings its very clean and welcoming."

They go inside and it is not only clean but very colorful, aliens of all sorts of different varities are laughing and playing board games while smoking hookahs. But overlooking them is a giant slug monster smoking his own.

"Nookie pinchie solo HOHOHOHO!!!"

"Is that Jabba the hutt?"

"That WAS Jabba but a giant corporate mouse that hates Jews ate him and in his place is this generic knockoff because not even the thumbs up by (belch!) George Lucas himself would do any good at this point..."

"What?"

"I'm saying thats not a trademarked character Summer! Now go up to the totally not patented Jabba thing and say hello!"

Rick pushes her and as the hutt thing wags its slug tail and smokes hookah she waves.

"Uhh hi?"

"Hohoho nippie nooknook desu!"

"Rick I don't speak giant slug monster!"

"You think a giant slug monster smoking hookah gives a shit what you have to say Summer? Just be polite!"

It offers her his hookah pipe to give a try and she seems to hesitate at first but gives to go ahead and takes a puff. As she exhales vapors come out changing colors from blue to orange to purple and she coughs and wheezes, her eyes tear up and get puffy and she faints.

As she awakes Rick is down staring at her.

"You did good Summer. He was rather entertained by what a lightweight you were. He said he will gladly teach us the history of hookah."

As some aliens pull up chairs for them the slug monster puffs more hookah and the vapors make images that tell the tale of this race is very old and has seen countless wars and tragedies. Eventually the invented the hookah. It brought friends closer, it gave people a casual and public place to meet and date, it helped slaves relax and unwind after long hours, the hookah was more than a method to smoke... it created a spiritual forcefield of isolation separating those within the hookahs radius from everthing outside. In that instance they were free. Free to dream, to laugh, and forget. Like sleeping...but the smoke and intense odors warded away predators of all shapes and sentience levels from interrupting them. When even monks who have given up sex and alcohol smoke hookah regularly...this is not your ordinary vice.

Summer tears up.

"I get it Grandpa... its not the hookah thats bad. It's us. It's us and all our stupid bullshit we do or even don't do day to day and at the end of it...some of us just want to close ourselves off to the rest of the world."

Rick smiles with his arms crossed and nods.

He than takes the pipe, takes a big draw, and makes a smoke image of Rachel Maddow on all fours taking it up the ass by Rick. Rachel Maddow looks at Summer and talks in Rick's voice:

"Coming up next...Rick balls deep! I thought I was a (belch) lesbian until I felt the warm leathery cock of Rick Sanchez!"

"Damn it grandpa!"

"HOHOHO NOOKIE PINCHI WUBBA LUBBA DUB DUB MOTHERFUCKER!!!"


End file.
